This guy. He was a hair dresser/pandemic pizza cook, according to him anyway. He looked like a good fucking time, let me tell you what. A little bit of scruff, still had most of his hair, a little grey, smokes pot, funny as shit. He hit me right off the bat with the Justin Bieber stuff. My profile has a section that says something like name one movie or song that you are embarrassed to like and I put “not embarrassed, I still like Justin Bieber”. He used that in his opening messages to stand out. It made me laugh and want to talk to him more.
He wasn’t just funny off the bat. He was pretty funny consistently. I liked that. Laughing was the best medicine for me! He wanted to meet in person. I agreed. We had graduated from stupid dating app to text message and it was going well. He was flirty but didn’t totally cross a line with it. Until he fucking did! We were supposed to meet for coffee at 8am. He texted me early around 6am to tell me he had woken up at 1am and couldn’t sleep so we would need to reschedule. No worries. Insomnia and shit happen. Plus I went back to sleep, which I never do. It was awesome.
He has to work that day so he texts me after work. He is his normal funny, entertaining, flirty self and suggests a couple of days where we could go down on Mill Ave. to get some food and take a walk around Tempe Town Lake. I have a feeling that this has been his go-to before but it sounds fun, maybe. Before we set a specific day and time, he tells me to bring my sexy toes with me…. Yep, my toes. Dude has a very serious foot fetish. He wants to suck my toes into euphoria and also enlightens me that you can actually kiss someone into euphoria and he would like to do that to me. (Record Screetch Sound Here) I’m out. He texts me the next day apologizing for being, and I quote “an inappropriate Pepe Le Pew” the night before. I told him it was a bit. That was my last text message to Salon/Pandemic-Pizza Guy. Just no.
At this point I do slightly wish I could just be a whore that didn’t care about morals, values, personality or fetishes and just go out and get some food, some laughs and some dick. I.just.can’t. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m sad about this some days. I could be having so much fun. I knew as soon as I talked to this guy that he would be down for fun-town. I think maybe you wouldn’t talk about fetishes before you meet someone in person, but what the hell do I know?! I’m just a normal, optimistic, see the best in people, girl next door that likes to laugh, has specific coffee preferences and likes to get her nails done.
The more I talk to these guys, the more information they share about some of the ladies they have met. I have thought about changing my profile to seeking girls and guys just to see what’s out there but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t understand the game of dating. I thought if you want to get to know people, you should be honest about who you are first. That doesn’t seem to be the case from the things I see. The whole idea of putting a facade out there, a highlight reel of who and what you are makes me want to vomit in my mouth. I may not be cut out for this, but I am trying to be open-minded, thinking there must be other normal people out there that genuinely aren’t pricks or sickos and just need a way to meet people. This has not been my experience thus far. So far it all seems like a sick trick.