So my husband is super passive aggressive. We recently painted the house, like a lot of it. It’s a good time to clean out some shit, declutter and what not. The coat hanging wood thing with pictures was buried before, with like 64 jackets. Now it has maybe one or two and you can see it. The pictures in it are so cute. I digress. So my husband takes all the jackets and puts them into a plastic tub for the shed. This is unacceptable of course. The kids can all take their jackets and the ones they want to keep, they can hang in their closets. The rest can be donated. You never know when you need a hoodie or light jacket in AZ. Maybe not for outside right now because it’s the desert and 154 degrees but everyplace indoors is like freakin Iceland where it never gets above 50 degrees. Is he going to want to go into the shed and get said tub of jackets next time we fancy eating out with the kids or going to a movie. I think not. I already know the answer will be “fuck no”, “they’re buried in the shed” or “I don’t know where they are” when I ask, should we ever fancy going somewhere slightly in the chilly zone.
Now he’s not trying to be nice and helpy helper-ton here. He is only trying to declutter his room. I ask him later about them because he leaves them spread out everywhere along with 43 other piles of shit from his man cave, like specifically, “you are not going to leave these here right?” “Oh no of course not”. Then I go out with my oldest to see Bad Moms and I think he might even be bitter I chose to go out instead of sneak in a quickie tonight like a couple of teenagers so he can then pass out and leave my sex-haired-out-like-a-porn-star, slightly-inebriated ass to deal with over tired, always hungry little love bugs that I now have to put to bed. Ummmmmmmm, let me check, nopetown. My schoolwork is done for the week and tomorrow is my last vacation day before going back to work. No. And.we.had.so.much.fun. We literally went to one theater and it was such a pain in the ass that we just took a shit there and left. Like asked for a refund and left. Assigned seats is waayyyyy too much commitment for me.
So we came home and my sunshine sees, of course, that my husband has gone to bed and the jackets are all over the couch. I go to the bathroom and come out to the kitchen and every single drawer and cupboard is open. He.hates.this.so.much.
Seriously, when you live with someone for as long as we have… 16 years. 2 in sin and 14 biblically acceptable, you are having some pent up shit because you literally just haven’t killed each other yet. Don’t get me wrong. I love him. But if you think your husbands load the dishwasher in the most efficient manner, you’re a damn liar. If you absolutely trust him with your whites, that they may or may not become pinks or blues, I can’t speak to you anymore because I don’t like or associate myself with lie-y liars pants on fires. BUT HERE’S THE THING, WE PISS THEM OFF TOO. And we had a damn deal. If you promise to put all the silverware in the silverware dishwasher crate in an organized fashion where I can grab 5 handfuls only to put them away instead of fork and spoon chaos, I will promise to try and shut the cabinet doors or at least pay more attention to it. Now granted, there was no silverware foul play involved THIS TIME, I’m pretty sure the jackets was a fuck you. Game on cupboard boy. My daughter sees you and so do I. But let’s leave the silverware out of this or it will get ugly. I might even leave the sound system on one day. And hey, at least the fucking trees are trimmed? What? That wasn’t even on any plate for today. Mawwwwiage.
To be fair, I didn’t really open all the cupboards, my daughter did. But THAT is why she is my spirit twin. I freaking love her with all my soul.