This guy. Video producer/editor guy. This guy is unexpected. He’s unlike any of the other guys so far. I had hidden my profile and deleted the dating app at the same time I deactivated my Facebook account for a 30 day hiatus to focus on myself and my circle of peeps only. There was a cyclone of fuckery that culminated in the decision to not share myself with anyone but my closest people for a period of time. An overwhelming feeling or knowing of sorts, to detach and see what happens.
We had only chatted pleasantries on the app for about 5 days, nothing too in depth or any sort of plan to get to know each other better. Not even a place where I thought I should say anything or thought he would even notice I was gone. Once I deleted the app, I got an email that I had a message from him. “Really?! For Fuck’s Sake”. Those words literally came out of my mouth. The single reason I even considered reloading the app and seeing what the message said was because this dude was so nice and had not once crossed a line as disrespectful or even dished any unwanted compliments. He.was.just.nice.
Since I had decided that kindness was my new #1 quality during this process, as in whether I gave any of my time to anyone moving forward, I decided to trust that decision, not write him off and then to re-download the app and check the message he sent. He left his phone number… that was the message.
I had also decided I was no longer messaging or texting any dudes first, but again, something told me to give him my number and then to just drop it. So I did that, explained that I would be off the app for a while, re-hid my profile and deleted the app from my phone. He texted me the next evening. We started talking about the photo slideshow I was trying to work on for my friend, with him giving me tips on how to get music for it and then he would follow up and ask how it was going and if I was going to steal his jobs. It made me laugh because I really suck at it.
It gave us something in common but also the fact that he would follow up and ask how it was coming along or how my day was, which was also kind of nice, made me continue chatting with him. We texted every day about little things, the Satan’s asshole weather, the animals, a lot about the animals! We started sharing stories, pictures and videos of our animals. We have the same sleep issues so he asks me how my sleep was, or how my day is going. He is consistent and kind.
He asked about me hiding my profile and if I was in the app’s witness protection program, which I found hilarious. I discovered while getting to know him that he’s not just nice, he’s also very funny and creative, which I love and seriously admire! I’ve told him that I talked to him because I thought he was nice but then I found out he was funny. During our getting to know each other, my brother had his second heart attack. When he checked in on me that day of my brother’s procedure, I was so emotionally dehydrated that I told him how my day really was and he was concerned and supportive. That was a big step for me, to just be honest about the real life most painful things, not just the silly get to know you stuff and his response was nothing less than the kindness he had shown over the course of the couple of weeks we had been texting. I told him that chatting with him was a lovely distraction and ending to an emotional roller coaster of a day for sure.
He made sure to check in daily and ask how my brother was doing. I thanked him for that. My friend tells me it is the little things that are the biggest things and there could not be a truer statement when your world gets rocked like that, the realest realization that someone so important to me could be gone. For me, this type of little things is where pleasantries turn into friendship.
I have a hard time relying on men, in particular, to lift and support me. I have worked hard to not only hold myself up and hold my own, so to speak, but to also pick myself up off the ground after countless Mike Tyson-ish blows to the heart and soul from the men in my life. I even removed myself from Facebook and dating-app-land to reflect, remove access, reassess and regroup in heavy part because of the men in my life. Then this man slowly and sloth-like, comes into my life unexpectedly and shows kindness, respect, integrity along with all the other pieces I used to think were more important than anything. So far, he has all of them, ranked appropriately, I might add.
This guy. I did some video clips for my friend’s daughter. She is an amazing softball player and needed short clips for college recruiters. When I told him what I was doing, he offered to put something together with clips, without hesitation. I told my friend and we both said “that is so NICE”. I was more shocked than she was. I couldn’t believe the offer and she looked me straight in the eye-holes and said “why are you so surprised?! This is totally something YOU would do”. That was an important realization for me. I would totally do that for a friend. I just hadn’t met a man-version of me like that yet. I like that, it turns out.
After several weeks, we start talking on the phone, our conversations lasting 1.5 hours to 4 hours. We decide to meet in person. He picked this super cute gastro pub on his side of town, apologizing repeatedly for the drive on my part. I honestly didn’t mind because I really wanted him to pick the place and the time. It’s a nice reprieve from having to be in charge all the time. We had fun chatting and eating, sampled each other’s drinks and laughed a ton. He made me feel comfortable and told me I was funny, which I am, but it’s a huge compliment. He also brought 3 deer antler sticks for my dogs! (Heart melting)
He picked a time that was only an hour before the pub closed. I knew that but he didn’t so when he learned they were already closed for an hour and half as the place emptied out and we were almost the last ones there, I laughed hysterically. He paid the bill while I was in the bathroom and politely told me I could not help pitch in. We walked out to our cars and talked for another 40 minutes until we were both sweating from the heat. We talked about so much stuff with crazy dating stories being one of the topics. I had 2 glasses of wine and am typically a wide-open book so I shared that I write about this dating stuff. He probed further. I did tell him it was a blog that really nobody can see at the moment, and he said he wanted to read it!! (Oh no)… I told him I hadn’t written about him there, which was true at that time… but I’m not ready to share it with him yet. One thing I have learned is not to share all of myself with everyone and this is just for me at the moment… well, and a few close friends that consistently encourage me to write. All of this is for me to learn, grow and evolve as a human but also tell funny or crazy stories. So one day I will share it with him, just not this day. Not yet.
I hugged him, he insisted I take the leftover food and asked for a second hug… it was sweet. There isn’t a crazy story or shockingly inappropriate tale to tell here for this guy. He is directing and producing this friendship with me that makes me WANT to be a part of Act II. He came from behind the curtain, out of nowhere, at a time when I decided to pause the show and it’s like he said “hey there, let’s talk about behind the scenes footage” and really it’s a bunch of outtakes that you add to the DVD that sometimes are funnier and more entertaining than the main story line.